Dip and the Damned
by MarcoDelMarco
Summary: Poor Pip, crushed to death by Mecha-Streisand. And now...Hell. Well, at least there is a silver linning. He gets to see his old friend,the spawn of the Devil, Damian once more. Maybe Hell won't be so bad after all?


"Oh dear." Pip looked quickly at his surroundings, and was not overly thrilled with what he saw. "I…I suppose this is Hell…Drat." The flames and brimstone were all that he could see, the screams of damned and howls of demons were all the little British boy could hear. Poor Pip, thanks to the unforgiving stomp of Mecha-Streisand, he was indeed in Hell.

He didn't know quite what to do now. This was Hell, there's nothing after this…Pip had always tried to see the teapot as half full, but this…The little Brit wiped a tear from his eye and started to walk. He didn't know where he was going, but then again he didn't really think that it mattered. The air reeked of sulfur and burning flesh, it quite reminded him of one of his classmate Eric Carman's more nauseating farts.

Pip approached a nearby ridge to get a better view of his new 'home.' There was a very, very large group of people down there a few hundred yards from a burning lake. Pip was surprised to see so many people just standing around, why weren't they running and hiding? As he looked closer he noticed how diverse this huger group was. There were people of every race, age, class, as well as an even split along genders. Why would..?

"WELCOME" A fiery torrent spews from the lake, Pip lets out a frightened "Oh!" and ducks down, but nobody notices him up on his ledge anyway, not even the evil red beast that approaches the horrified crowed. "WELCOME TO HELL!"

It was Satan, and Pip listened as he explained to the people that they were now dead, and this was their eternal fate. He also said something about the Mormons but Pip couldn't make it out over the people's screams. He realized that they were all the human beings who had died that day, from all over the world. This was the welcoming ground for damnation, but…but why wasn't he there? Why had he appeared up on this upper plateau, away from the poor people who were now being beset by demons? Pip was wondering this when he heard a soft, strangely high pitched voice just behind him speak.

"…hey Pip."

"What? Oh!" Pip threw his arms around his friend, who uncomfortably accepted the hug, "Damian! Oh, by Jove I'm so happy to see you!" He let go of the boy in black, who then straightened his inverted cross necklace, blushing slightly.

"So you died huh?"

"Right o…..Though I never expected to be killed by Barbra Streisand, really, that was a surprise."

"Did you at least get her autograph?"

"You know," Pip smiled for the first time since his arrival, "I didn't think to ask."

Damian nodded and motioned for Pip to fallow him. He wanted to go somewhere that wasn't so loud, the screaming of the new arrivals was getting kind of annoying. Pip was glad to let him lead the way, after all this was his home. It had been so long since he had seen his friend. Though they're time together in South Park had been brief, Pip still remembered it fondly. True, Damian had set him on fire and all but blown him up for the amusement of the other children, but in reality it didn't hurt a bit. Actually, Pip remembered fondly, flying through the air was quite fun. Damian could have easily killed him then, but he didn't. He didn't kill him when he could have, and he never verbally or physically abused him; it was the kindest anyone had ever been to him.

They walked for a time, catching up on each other's lives as they went. Pip told Damian about all the neat stuff he had missed at school and town, and Damian told him all about the new circle of Hell that they were building (the pit of hungry rabid Mongooses) and how his Dad had been taken his latest break up with Saddam Hussein. Eventually the two boys found themselves in one of the few quite corners of the underworld. It was cool, dark, and unused by the either the inhabitants or demons. The only light was from the distant burning lake which was just far enough away to give the place a warm low glow. They sat down on a smooth rock, leaned against the wall, and watched the hell dragons fly overhead.

"You know," Pip said, "Once you get over the whole damned for eternity thing, this place does seem rather pretty."

"I like to come here sometimes when I just need to get away from my father's work" Damian put his hands behind his head and crossed his legs, "It…it get's kind of depressing down here sometimes."

"Depressing? In Hell?"

"I know, hard to believe right?" They exchange glances and laugh.

"Right o. But," Pip turned to the spawn of the devil, "there something I wanted to ask you…" Pip took off his messenger hat and rubbed the back of his head, "Why…why didn't I appear with the other souls? I saw them all down there," he raised his hand and pointed towards the faint glow, "by the lake. But…I appeared up here, safe."

Damian was silent for a moment. He fiddled with his cross for a sec, not facing the young British lad when he answered in a very soft voice. "I did that."

"Oh, well jolly good!" Pip smiled wide, thankful that he had befriend the evil one's son, "But, and I not complaining, why?"

"…it get's lonely. You were nice to me, so I decided to spare you the usual Hell hole experience."

"That was right decent of you."

"Yeah…well, don't mention it."

"You sure your dad won't mind?"

"Nah," Damian chuckled, "He said I could get a pet."


End file.
